This
is the first chapter of a book entitled ‘Dear Female, Dear
Woman, Dear Lady’, which is
being written by Jacqueline
Milward and Carolyn Briscoe.
The
innocuous white envelope, inscribed with their names, stared
up at them, holding
everything poised in an enchanted
moment. The sounds of talking, faintly
rustling, sporadic movements and the
clinking of glasses floated across from
the house, spilling outside. Beyond the
luxuriantly smothered pergola in the herb
garden, the sounds arrived muted and
distant, even across those few yards.
Mary
broke the spell as they stared down at the little rustic table,
beside the wooden
chair, where the author of the letter had
so often sat. Mary suggested they sit
down together and that Eve, as the granddaughter,
should read the letter to them.
Eve demurred as Mary had found the letter
originally inside a brown envelope, which
was addressed to her, waiting in the house.
Sophia pointed out that Mary, quite rightly,
saw herself as the messenger, the caretaker
of what was intended for all three women,
and it was obvious they were meant to read
it together. Whether Eve accepted Sophia’s
reasoning or whether curiosity got the better
of her, she abruptly positioned herself in
the centre of the seat, smoothed down the
silver grey, short skirt of her new suit, took
up the envelope, split it open and looked up
expectantly at the other two. Smiling a little,
they placed themselves either side of her
and Eve started to read. Dear Eve, Mary and Sophia,
I hope you
find a time and place during the funeral reception to read this.
I trust
resourceful Mary to make the opportunity.
I like to imagine you in the herb garden,
where two and very occasionally three or
four of us would gather and talk about our
lives, our puzzles and predicaments. I am so
grateful, my dears, for the time we shared
and the way you let me release much,
that had been fermenting in me about
the nature and character of our gender.
I consider myself so fortunate that in these
last years I found the three of you, willing
to listen and, indeed, eager to hear what
I had come to understand in my long life.
“
She, is grateful!,” interjected Mary, shaking
her head. “When I think what a difference
she’s made to me.”
“
And me!” cried Eve. “I think she started
talking to me, you know, talking in that
way, from when I was about twelve.”
“
I see what she means, though,” said
Sophia reflectively. “It’s not often folk act on
one’s best advice, is it? I mean at least
she knew that we lapped it all up and
that we started seeing things differently.
Carry on, dear.” Eve continued You
probably think it was one sided - well, but the truth is, and
you need to believe
it now, I learnt much from you. I’d lived
through your respective ages, of course,
but one forgets and you made it vivid for
me again. From Eve, I remembered what it
was like to enter into adulthood, the excitement
and optimism, together with the selfdoubt,
anxieties and sense of boundless
inexperience. From Mary, I recalled the
burdens of her time of life, when everyone
expects you to handle everything, you
expect it of yourself also, and still you have
to come up smiling, youthful and energetic.
From Sophia, I remembered so keenly the
fight against being marginalized, looking
back with some regrets, and looking forward
to certain loss and uncertain gain.
My friends, as much as you maintain
I helped you, you sharpened my insight.
Now
I want you to focus on the rock solid truth I came to, and
shared with you, that
the description ‘woman’ is an inadequate
title for our gender’s existence, and unhelpful
when we try to understand ourselves as
the gender we are born into. Everything
that I felt started to make sense when I
became aware of the urgings, needs and
abilities of the three distinct lives within the
whole. I characterized them as the ‘Female’,
which is our carnal, instinctive life and
recognized by all. Next the ‘Woman’, emerging
at the tail end of childhood, managing
life and trying to manage the female from
then onwards. Then finally the ‘Lady’,
waiting for her opportunity, who is potentially
a wise guide to them all as she has
superior insight, foresight and a deeper
value for the whole of what we are and
could be. So, three distinct lives, intimately
joined, but often not in harmony.
The
letter continued.
As
you well know, it was this lack of harmony we addressed in our
times together.
As Mary once said to me, I seemed to be a
fourth player, discussing with you individually
how the Female, Woman and Lady of
you could co-operate effectively in this or
that instance in your life. You think you still
need me but, dear granddaughter and dear
friends, you really don’t, and my bequest
to you is simply a suggestion whereby you
could activate your own fourth player. You
know how I loved writing letters, and one
or other of you would often weigh my
airmails for me, to Australia, Canada and
other places where friends and relatives
had settled. Eve tried to educate me into
the mysteries of the e-mail, but I never really
got the hang of it, nothing to do with
the computer you passed on to me, Mary, I
hasten to add. Anyway, why not develop a
practice of writing letters to these three
busy lives within and without you? From
this other place, as it were, in yourself, you
can offer a running commentary, an advice
service, and a different view on what is
going on. I know you’ll be surprised at
what you come up with, and I believe you’ll
find it helpful. I promote you to high office.
From your lofty height, in the clean, clear
air, you may float down directives and
memos to your executives.
See
what happens and meet together sometimes. As you help yourselves,
you
may help each other, and, who knows
whom else in time? No, Eve, I’m not about
to get on my soapbox, that’s a position
more suited to your time of life!
I close now, holding a firm belief in your
future successes With great affection, Hope Tenant*
Eve put the
letter down on the table and keeping her hand there, Mary placed
her
hand on top of Eve’s, and then, with a nod
of satisfaction, Sophia put her hand over
Mary’s. A wordless pact was made.
* For further reference about the
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